I had no idea it could feel this way.
If anyone had told me- as recently as this morning- that I’d be laid out on my bed with my hands wrapped so tight around the loft railing that my knuckles were white while my best friend tried to suck my brains out through my cock, I probably would have laughed, then decked them. But here I am and I have to tell you it feels a-fucking-mazing. Blair’s got a mouth on him and boy does he know how to use it.
I’m still not exactly sure how we got to this point. For all my Sentinel senses I didn’t see this coming. Sure, we live together, we work together, we play together, we worry when one or the other gets hurt, but sex with each other? Never even crossed my mind.
Apparently it had crossed Sandburg’s.
Not that I’m complaining. Oh, hell no. This is shaping up to be the best sex I’ve ever had and I hope to God we’re going to repeat it. Often. In as many places as we can without getting caught. It’s just…I’ve never done this with a guy before. Never looked at a guy before and thought, ‘Yeah, I’d fuck him.’ I’ve been firmly entrenched in women since they stopped having cooties and started having breasts and there was the remotest chance they’d let me touch them. I liked it in the land of women, thought I was happy there, even if my track record was abysmal.
The most recent failure was Vanessa. And what is it with me and women whose names start with ‘V’ anyway? Veronica, Victoria, Vicki (different woman from Victoria), and now Vanessa. She wasn’t a criminal this time, so that was a plus, but she was more than a little unbalanced. Blair saw it and tried to warn me, but as per usual I wouldn’t listen. I hate it when he gives me advice on my love life. Mostly because he winds up being right and I feel like an idiot. I might have to work on that. It took her taking a swing a Megan to get me to open my eyes and send her on her merry way with a promise to throw her ass in jail if she ever came near me and mine again.
Blair didn’t say a word and it pissed me off. I kept waiting for him to say ‘I told you so.’ He didn’t, but that didn’t keep me from baiting him and trying to pick a fight. This evening I pushed a little too far. Blair’s temper has a long fuse, but a big bang when it’s finally lit and it lit tonight. He actually slammed me into the wall. He might be short, but he’s strong and could probably take Simon down if properly motivated. But, yeah, he had me pinned against the wall and those blue eyes of his were almost glowing he was so angry. He was breathing hard and talking through his clenched teeth.
He said, “I am sick and fucking tired of watching you chase after the wrong person every time. You give your heart and it gets kicked around and I’m left to pick up the pieces, but there’s a little less each time. Your walls get higher and I get a little more tired. I can’t do this anymore, Jim.”
I started to mouth off, because that’s what I do, but he didn’t give me a chance. Instead, he muttered, “Fuck it,” under his breath and yanked my head down so he could kiss me. To say I was surprised would be an understatement. My gut reaction was to beat the shit out of him, but then I tasted him. Oh, dear God, he tastes like nothing else. All my senses went into overdrive and it was like I was really seeing him for the first time. My hands came up and buried themselves in his hair. It’s so soft. I breathed him in and his scent is truly intoxicating. I could hear his heart pounding and mine soon matched its frantic pace. When we finally broke apart to breathe I looked at him, I mean really looked at him, and I was lost. I hauled him back up and kissed him again. Somehow we made it upstairs and he started to show me just what one good man could do.
Blair has taught me so many things since we met. I guess I’ll just have to add this to the list. I think this might be my favorite lesson of all.
Not as long as I’m the man that I am
Light off shades down candles painting shadows on the wall
Ain’t too hard to understand
What it does every taste every touch going deeper
Awe and it’s a feelin’ that I can’t describe
I know you wouldn’t understand unless you were the man that I am
Janie Sieber was the first girl I made love to. Chris Wilson was the first guy. I’ve never been overly concerned with the outer packaging when it comes to partners. I mean, sure, I love beautiful women and hot guys, but it doesn’t matter to me whether they’re male or female if we connect. Consider it a by-product of my upbringing or maybe that’s just the way I was made, I don’t care. I am what I am.
I love ‘Love’. It doesn’t matter if I’m the one in love or if it’s a friend. I like seeing people happy with other people. I’m almost a yenta at the university and I’ve got a bit of a reputation as a matchmaker in the police department as well. Not that the guys in Major Crime know that. I’d never hear the end of it if they did. I can just see Rafe and Brown adding ‘Cupid’ to my annoyingly long list of nicknames.
The only one I couldn’t match up is Jim. I’m pretty sure that’s because I wanted him for myself. I didn’t try too often or too hard to play matchmaker with him, and that could be why his love life is a complete and utter disaster. Because if I’d really put my mind to it he’d have the wife, 2.5 kids, and a minivan in the suburbs. But like I said, I want him for myself. And I do believe I’ve got him now.
When I found Jim sitting in that hospital room so long ago my heart sang. He was the embodiment of my life’s work and he was gorgeous to boot. I admit I handled things badly with him. I was so excited to have found a true Sentinel that I forgot he was also a living breathing man- a man who had been through hell and back, not just with his time in Peru, but all his life. We got off to a rocky start and it didn’t really smooth out until I changed my dissertation topic. After Alex, it was pretty easy to get the committee to agree that a change might be good. Being drowned by one of your subjects is a pretty effective argument. My mom almost blew it again when she showed up out of the blue while I was finishing my Sentinel research, but I managed to avoid that particular disaster. I wasn’t going to publish it, but I did want to give Jim some closure. I needed it, too. I’d been studying Sentinels for half my life and I couldn’t just abandon it. There might come a day when I can publish what I’ve discovered in a way that won’t put Jim in danger, but not yet.
But that’s neither here nor there right now. Right now I’m doing what I’ve dreamt of doing for the past three years. I’ve got Jim underneath me, naked and moaning, as I discover just what drives my man wild. And he is mine. There is no way in hell I’m gonna let him go after tonight. I’ve spent the last three years watching him stumble from one bad relationship to the next. Well, no more. Vanessa was the last straw. That crazy bitch worked my last nerve and Jim trying to pick a fight with me about it snapped it completely.
I can’t believe I actually got physical with my Sentinel. I’m not a fan of violence, despite the fact that I’m neck deep in it most of the time. But I’d had enough. Words only work on Jim in certain instances and this wasn’t one of them. I got his attention though. Slamming a person against a wall will do that. I also said what was in my heart. Then I kissed him. I was so certain he was going to flatten me, but something changed and that kiss became one of the best I’ve ever had. It led us upstairs and got us both naked.
Maybe I’m being a bit of bastard by not letting him touch me yet, but I’m still a little annoyed with him. He’ll get his turn, though. I can’t wait to see what a Sentinel can do in bed. I might be a fool for love, but I’m not an idiot.
Prompt(s): Fool For Love/One Good Man
Written for the 2008 ts_ficathons on Livejournal. Title and a bit of inspiration taken from the song ĎThe Man That I Amí by James Otto. I almost called this thing Victory Arms, because I didnít think Iíd actually get it written. :) Thanks be to Sara for the beta.
I thought I had already posted this here, but apparently not. My bad.
Written: May 18, 2008
Word Count: 1,550